Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
zippers are such a cool invention
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
