im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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