my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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