I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
