Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
