We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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