Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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