I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
