Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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