No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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