this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
