I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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