just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
