Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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