She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
