Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
