I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
