I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
too bad you live with your parents still
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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