Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
