My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
