Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
