its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
