So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
