We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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