dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
