First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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