Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
