My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
