Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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