he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
