I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
