My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
