if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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