All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
zippers are such a cool invention
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
