Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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