Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
