they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
