I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
