Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
