if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
