Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
