You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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