My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
whose ass print is on the piano?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
