I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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