Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
