Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize