I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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