the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
