I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
