I just threw up on my dentist
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
