Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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