I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
