The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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