theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
