even my farts smell like vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
