My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
