Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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