I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
