Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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