dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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