speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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