dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
