ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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