It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
