i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
