we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm both gender and math confused
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
