I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
