i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
