I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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