Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
