Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
