every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
