the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
