Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
